You Never Regret 'Doing The Thing' | TSS #76
Self-reminders about taking difficult steps, great podcasts about dating and personal growth, and crazy good songs.
[TAKEN FROM MY WEEKLY NEWSLETTER, ‘THE SUNDAY STACK’ — CLICK BELOW FOR MORE]
[NOTE: Another long piece. Very fun to write. Lots of thoughts this week, and also had an INCREDIBLE chat today that touched on some of these topics. I find that writing this newsletter lets me organise my thoughts so much more. Good times.]
THE DAILY MUSING
Just Do The Thing:
On Friday, I found myself backing away from doing something tough.
I was meant to go talk to strangers again with my best mate.
He was already in the city, struggling on his own.
But I was hesitating — should I go or not?
I had been stuck in traffic for ages on the way home from the gym, had shit sleep for the past week, felt super bloated and puffy, and destroyed myself during my workout earlier.
I wasn’t ready to talk to anyone, let alone strike up conversation with strangers on the street.
It was also getting late, and it seemed like there ‘wasn’t really a point’ for me to head into the city anymore.
I’d only be there for less than 2 hours. It takes 40 minutes to even get there.
My friend would understand.
I didn’t have to go…
But wait.
I was literally about to abandon the mission because I was feeling tired and nervous. I was going to ditch my friend because I was just too lazy.
What the fuck?!
I’ve done this before, and I don’t like that version of myself.
So I forced myself out the door again before I could really think about the consequences.
I just started walking toward the bus stop.
I set a super low expectation for myself — I didn’t have to do anything crazy today, simply SHOWING UP will be enough.
I just needed to DO THE THING.
Good, bad, whatever. Just do the thing.
And the decision was made.
I wouldn’t bail out on this quest.
—
And, to the surprise of fucking nobody, the session was an absolute success.
I made SO many great memories in that short time span — connecting with strangers, sharing crazy moments, making someone’s day.
It was challenging and exhilarating. I hadn’t done this in ages, and I felt so alive.
Giving a random person $50 after spinning around in circles with my eyes closed in front of State Library — that is surely a CORE MEMORY now.
I’ll never forget it.
And none of this would have happened if I stayed home on that Friday evening.
None of this would have happened if I allowed my doubts to prevent me from taking action.
It’s cliche as hell, but this was such an obvious example. Gritting my teeth and just going out anyway directly resulted in an incredible experience.
So, here’s a quick note to myself for those moments of hesitation.
—
You never regret ‘doing the thing’.
Ever.
The difficult thing. The thing that makes you squirm. The thing that’s a little too awkward. The thing that’s a little too foreign to you.
Just do the thing.
Even when you’re too tired. Or too self-conscious. Too ugly. Too poor. Too stupid. Too lazy. Too out of practice. Too late.
Just do the thing anyway.
Again, you already have the proper frame — that you either win or you learn. Every experience adds to your Experience. This was the entire point.
Which means you cannot truly ‘fail’. Ever.
So just do the thing.
Always remember that you never regret it.
Send this to someone who needs it.
THE WEEKLY HAUL
‘Take care of your Human’ — a better way to do Self-Love
This was an exceptional part in Matthew Hussey’s episode with Chris Williamson. Matthew suggests approaching self-love with a ‘Parental Model’ instead of a ‘Romantic Model’ of Love.
Love yourself like a parent loves their child, or a dog-owner loves their specific dog.
Are there more beautiful, smarter, wealthier, and healthier people out there? Probably. Are there other dogs that are cuter and stronger and more loyal? Probably.
But you wouldn’t TRADE your child or your dog for another one just because you compared their traits and found them lacking, right?
This is YOUR child. It’s YOUR fucking dog. You hope they do their best and get better, but you wouldn’t drop them for anything.
If you’re a good parent, you wouldn’t berate them endlessly. You wouldn’t cut down their curiosity. You wouldn’t laugh when they truly struggle. You wouldn’t give up on them. Ever. EVER.
The same goes for YOURSELF. Here’s what Matthew said that really stuck with me:
‘Of the 8 billion people on earth, I’m the only person who is responsible for taking care of THIS human.’ We were given a Human Being at birth (ourselves). Now it’s our role to take care of them. Our one job is to give this Human the best life possible.
“I love myself because I’m MINE. I’m MY human.”
I don’t get another one, so I will do my best to take care of this one.
What a beautiful way to look at it — and it’s not just some ‘mental gymnastics’ bullshit, it’s the literal truth**.** You really are the one soul taking care of this singular Human Being.
You truly are the sole guardian of their wellbeing. So fucking act like it.
Love them like you would love your child: with hope, with discipline where necessary, with high standards because you know their true potential, with guidance, with curiosity — and ALWAYS with compassion. Lead with Love.
There is no other way (Unless you want a miserable existence — I’ve been there already. Doesn’t work.)
‘At least it’ll be a good story’.
‘I hope this goes as well as I want it to go. And if not, at least it’ll be a good story.’
I heard this when Chris Williamson was talking about his massive ‘video wall podcast’ project. He was super hyped for the unprecedented scale of his new production, but also recognising that so many things could go wrong (it ended up as a massive success).
This outlook — and this simple little line in particular — is just awesome. No matter what happens, at least he gave it a shot, and at least it will be fun to talk about in hindsight.
It will make a good story to tell your mates around a campfire, or to tell your kids to show them the joy in pursuing your curiosities. Or to fuel your next project with lessons learnt and connections made.
I explore something very similar in the Life Boost below.
Needing to ‘be right’ will keep you friendless and stupid.
I don’t remember which podcast I heard this from, but it’s hilariously true. I found so many times when I would argue for the sake of ‘correctness’, but it didn’t help anyone.
Do I want to be right, or do I want to have good relationships?
This goes for our self-limiting beliefs too:
Do I want to be right, or do I want to win? Do I want to be right, or do I want to be rich? The choice is mine.
THE LIFE BOOST
How Do I Win Anyway?
This is a very basic reframe that I always need to remind myself of:
‘No matter the circumstance right now, how do I spin this situation so that I win anyway?’
Every time things get tough, or don’t quite go my way, I want to remember these questions (or this ‘line of questioning/thought process’).
What would I need to do to make this a success? In what way can I win from this? In what way can I gain from this?
What do I need to change so that I can come out of this as a stronger, better, kinder, more capable person?
In what way can I MEASURE/view this situation to make it a win? How do I bring agency back into the equation, especially when I’m feeling hopeless and powerless?
How do I FORCE my win anyway? (Not forcing the situation to change necessarily, but forcing myself to have won from the situation — there’s a difference)
EG:
‘Even though my physical growth in the gym has slowed recently due to commitments and failures on my part, I’ve been learning so much about my body and how I can push it better in the future.’
‘Even though this business venture didn’t produce desired results, I learned the skills and meta-skills I’m lacking in and made a bunch of connections for other projects.’
‘Even though I’m super tired today and am dreading the task ahead, I’ll show up anyway and do at least 1 solid rep — that counts as a win in my book. I’ll drop the bar but make sure that I do what I promised.’
This way, the state of ‘winning’ returns to my hands. I SET THE TERMS. I set the bar and whether or not I’ve met it (without bullshitting myself). So I get to win no matter what — at least, if I remember to do this correctly.
THE CURRENT STACK
Podcasts:
The Unhealthy Habits Sabotaging Your Love Life - Matthew Hussey
I listened to this episode 3 times in a row. There was so much value to unpack, so many small bits and pieces that I could learn from. I haven’t seen that much of Matthew Hussey’s work before, but this is the level of emotional maturity that I aspire toward (at least from what I can see in this one episode).
Hinge's Relationship Scientist Gives Dating Advice - Logan Ury
Interesting discussions about modern dating and creating better relationships. Very curious to see how this will translate into my real-world experiences.
The Ugly Decline Of Morality In The Digital Age - Alex O’Connor
Revisiting this one. Intelligent, sarcastic, insightful. Witty British lads chat shit and philosophy. How could I not enjoy this?
Books:
Brain Over Binge
Just started this one. Hopefully it’ll give some insights and perspective shifts that will help.
Music:
[Good recent song discoveries that get progressively crazier]
For You — by Lithe
This one is divine when you turn it up in the car at night.
Masterpiece — by Motionless In White
So fucking good. I already loved their other song ‘Another Life’, and this one is a worthy addition.
Learning to Survive — by We Came As Romans
The lyrics from these two songs (this one and the one below) hit very close to home. Didn’t expect to enjoy them much, but the rawness and simplicity of the words hit me hard.
So many demons I can’t escape, burning my bridges to light the way. I can feel ‘em watching me, but I’ll make it out alive. I’m learning to survive.
Carry The Weight — by We Came As Romans
Curse — by Architects
Had an incredible chat sitting in the car with my best mate today. The podcasts have been the best possible counterpart to this newsletter.
Man, what a life. I cannot believe I get to do this.
So lucky to be here.
Fucking hell.
See you next week.
Jack.
