2022: A Chapter of Choice and Change
[NOTE]: I promised myself that I would write a piece about this insane year of realisation, gratitude, and adversity. As with most things, it took far longer than expected. Still, I loved writing this one. It’s a lengthy piece, full of obvious lessons that I had to learn for myself through my struggles. So, here it is. Enjoy.
I sat blankly at my desk, fingers hovering above the keyboard. The words "annual review" waited patiently at the top of the page as I replayed the last 12 months in my mind. While I sat there, stitching together the memories, a single thought echoed in my head.
'Holy shit. 2022 was fucking crazy.'
****
This past year has been very different for me.
Many of my goals were achieved or surpassed, and just as many ended in utter failure. In most ways, I'm still the same person. But 2022 saw some fundamental shifts that changed how I moved through this world.
It was a year of the greatest 'intensity' that I have ever experienced. It was hours upon hours of immense happiness, loss and grief, pain and suffering, glory and triumph. It was a year of unprecedented sacrifice and game-changing wins.
I'm not just writing some dramatic bullshit. For once, I can truthfully say that a single year has shifted the course of my life. Something special is beginning to take shape.
Here are some of my core learnings from this crazy chapter of Choice and Change.
1. Life is beautiful. Everything else is just a bonus.
Life becomes infinitely more magical when you notice just how fleeting it really is.
An unsettling health issue scared the hell out of me in early July. My heart wasn't working right. Suddenly, nothing else mattered in those two weeks. All I wanted was to see the light of the next day, and the next, and the next. That, and seeing my family. You don't give a shit about anything else when you just want to live.
It was a strange period in my life. It was as if my world became completely still, and everyone else moved forward without me. But those days of fewer distractions gave me time to think.
I learnt two truths in my silent struggle:
1. Life itself is the fundamental gift. Everything else is just a bonus. (Said by Dr Lex Fridman. If you don't know who he is, here's one of my favourite videos ever.)
2. Gratitude is powerful as fuck.
'The more you look for something, the more you'll find it.'
Most people look for problems. Sometimes I still do the same. But I began to look for something else too, systematising the process in my 'gratitude journal' every morning. I was looking for the Beauty in Life. I dedicated attention to the things I appreciated; things that made my life what it is now; things that ran the world without my understanding of its mechanisms; things that made me smile; and things that made me hurt and suffer. This was all Experience, this was all Life.
Think about that. I was given the ultimate gift — I am alive. Many don't get that chance anymore. Many don't get the opportunity to even wake up for a new day. I could join them at any second. I am alive — right here, right now — and I'm going to be fucking grateful for it.
Every morning I practised this skill on the page, sometimes blanking for minutes until I thought of something to write. This isn't some woo-woo shit. I trained myself to look for the good in life, to see the 'magic' in different moments, big and small. Everywhere I went, I found beauty and wonder — if I cared to look for it. I sat at that gratitude journal so many times, I sat and wrote until it became a damn habit. I became an expert at this shit. If there's one single skill that will boost your happiness and fulfilment forever, it's being able to see Magic in everything.
'Gratitude is Fuel.'
This does not mean that I am now satisfied and 'done', ready to lean back on my crusty couch and just be 'grateful'. Not even close. Do not confuse gratitude with complacency. Gratitude is fuel. It is the one source of energy that has no end and persists no matter the outcome.
This immense gratitude is what set the fire alight inside me, a burning lust for Life itself. Gratitude fuels my flame to do more, be more, and give more. And if (for one reason or another) I cannot achieve any of those things, Gratitude is also the steady hearth that I can rest beside to weather the storm until the very end — warm, happy, and with an open heart.
That is its power. That is fucking incredible.
I let gratitude colour my life and fuel my flame. It gives me strength in defeat, and humility in victory. And for that, I am grateful.
2. Stand Your Ground. Do the Hard Work.
2022 was the year that I finally learnt how to 'do work'. It sounds stupid, I know. What the hell were you doing before?
Here's why I say this. I don't count much of my previous efforts as 'work' because they were half-assed attempts for baseline competency without ever embracing the work itself. I didn't push myself, so I didn't grow. I sat in my own puddle of comfort and excuses. Pathetic.
2022 was the first time that I taught myself how to take full accountability, work away at a task, and deal with the consequences. I learned to accept that work took time — I had to put in the hours to get my results. This simple truth should have been learnt years ago, but it took me until now to experience it firsthand.
It was also the first time in my life that I did difficult shit on my own accord — things that no one told me to do, or even expected me to be able to accomplish.
This was the year that I made friends with Discomfort, Work, and Pain. Finally.
****
For my entire life, running was not 'fun'. No, I fucking hated running. Every time my fat-ass was forced to run in high school, my body felt like a combustion engine about to explode. I would wheeze and pant, pounding my chest to ease the inevitable heart palpitations. I was convinced that I would drop dead if I ran for more than 30 seconds. Often, I would hardly last that long.
But this year, I ran anyways. I ran because I hated it.
How does that make any sense?
I ran to get stronger in both body and mind. When I went for that initial run on a cool summer evening on January 6th 2022, it was the first time in my life that I decided to do the one thing I specifically sucked at and dreaded. It was the first time that I intentionally chose the path of most resistance in order to improve. And that was when the concept of 'hard fucking work' finally started to kick in. That night changed everything. I would put in the work, grinding away day after day at this thing that I hated, and I'd get my damn results.
Lifting weights was not enough. Sure, it was hard as hell. But sometimes, I actually liked the gym. On the other hand, running was pure torture. That was what I needed. I needed to feel literal death; I needed to stare my heart issues and limiting beliefs right in the fucking eyes and run straight through them.
Things are bound to change when you push ahead with that much conviction. I learnt from David Goggins that the world made way for knuckledraggers that just don't stop. I became a different man on that cursed trail, the part of the world that became my personal inferno and chamber of rebirth all at once. At the start, I ran for 30 seconds at a time, walking in between to let my broken body catch its breath. Then I ran for one minute. Then longer. Over months, the kilometres started to add up. Something shifted in me, silencing the weaker voice that dominated my mind for far too long.
The physical challenge was what made it all come together. I used my most hated exercise to access my mental fortress - to change and bolster my mind. I learnt to embrace the 'pure suck' and live in that pain. I finally experienced why it's called 'hard' work. I learnt to get comfortable with being uncomfortable; I had to, because 'discomfort' was scheduled to happen every morning after I put on my running shoes. There was no escape.
For once in my life, I didn't run from the pain; instead, I put in the Hard Work. For once, I stood my ground and pushed through. The physical benefits didn't even matter anymore — it was the internal conquering of my mind and body that was an invaluable lesson. No amount of money or resources can buy that power — only I could teach myself that skill.
“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” - Marcus Aurelius
All my life I ran away from adversity, relying on 'talent' to cruise through school without having to sit down and study for hours like everyone else. I quit when things got hard. I've never truly put those reps in, never toiled away at my craft, and never showed up to take my beating every day. Until now.
This year, I stuck with my schedule just a little more often than before. I gave up on my exercises just a little less. I wrote just a little longer. Maybe I made the right choice only 5% more often than I chose the bad habits over the entire year. I failed so many times in 2022, but the moments where I didn't give up ultimately outnumbered the times when I did. That was worth more than I could have ever imagined. It's all these incremental changes that created something immense. It wasn't even the total output of 'good' work — fuck that. It was the fact that I didn't stop when things got tough. I kept going. The boy who used to run from all of his problems finally chose to not back down.
As such, this idea of 'pushing through difficult work' — embracing its necessary presence in my path to growth - gradually translated into all elements of my life. Discomfort and Work became my friends; they weren't nice, but they helped me improve. This gave me the capacity to persist through failures and frustration, setbacks and accidents. It let me chart my own course and be the captain of my ship, no longer waiting for 'daddy' to tell me what to do (it sounds dumb, but that's what most of us are doing). It was the simple knowledge that difficulty was good for me. Instead of running from it, Adversity became the anvil with which I forged a stronger blade.
I won. I won against myself in 2022. I beat that motherfucker fair and square, and I plan to do it again and again.
3. Ask New Questions. You're Stronger than you Think.
My newfound appreciation of life and hard work generated so many new thoughts in my mind. Day after day, I was stepping into uncharted territories of my own physical and mental ability.
Ultimately, they all came down to one nagging idea: 'What else can I do? How much further can I go?'
As I continuously broke through little barriers, I began to see new levels of possibility and potential. While I used to indulge in the 'why-me' and 'why-is-this-so-hard' narratives, I threw them away and began to ask new questions.
****
Properly putting in the work gave me a level of self-trust and belief that I have never experienced before, even if the objective progress was often nothing spectacular. Every time I did something that I didn't want to do, I grew. Each time I tried something before I 'felt ready', I learned and became ready.
This was mind-blowing to me. Here was another piece of obvious truth that I should have known and implemented years ago.
What the hell was I doing for the last two decades? If I only realised the power of 'doing the hard work' now, how much more can I actually achieve with this new path?
David Goggins taught me to ask these questions, and my own results gave proof of their validity. Because I could see the changes in my life and mind, these questions were no longer just 'motivational practices' from a self-help book; they were real-life possibilities for me to explore if I just put myself to work. I became fucking intrigued. Coupled with the undercurrent of deep gratitude, these thoughts gave me an indescribable fire to grow and rise to my maximum potential. Finally, I had all the fuel I needed to go that extra mile.
So, what am I truly capable of? Answering that question is the most exhilarating journey that I can imagine.
The One Choice.
Ultimately, 2022 was the year of Choice — of choosing better habits; of choosing to not give in when my body and mind were screaming; of spending less time with certain people and on pointless things; of reshaping my damn destiny.
I made the crucial call: 'I can't fucking live like this anymore.'
I made the Choice to Change; the decision to do something — anything. It didn't even matter what it was, I was just not going to continue down the same path as before. No way. This shift was monumental regardless of what it looked like on the surface. Hitting my 'goals' was secondary to the committed effort itself.
2022 would go down as the chapter in my life when I stood my ground and chose to go to war with myself and the world. With love and gratitude in my heart, with blood surging through my veins and fire in my eyes, I made the decision to kill my old life and create a new one.
Onwards, to the Top.
Again, this sounds cliche, but there is truly so much more to come. In many ways, I failed dramatically in 2022. But this year established the critical foundations for my new path. It readied my mind and body through the crucible of gratitude, hard work, and new possibilities. The summit is still far, far away, but we have finally set our sights and started climbing.
I found my inner fire in these months of suffering and joy. And to quote Goggins himself, the next step is to fan that flame, and 'burn the whole fucking forest down'.
I'm going to dominate my world first, then I'm coming for the rest.
I appreciate anyone that has read this far. This was a crazy piece. I had too much fun putting this together. It wasn't easy.
But the clock is still ticking. Time for you to do your difficult work too.
As always, take the Harder Path. You're stronger than you think.
- JG.
