I’ll Never Stop Writing, Creating, Documenting.
Editor’s Notes: This is a brief extract from something that I wrote last September, reflecting on lockdown and my intellectual growth - the beginning of a personal era of reflection and recording (writing and documenting this world and my perception of it, my experiences). It was never a piece that I intended to show to anyone else, merely a collection of thoughts that I quickly jotted down in my room - thinking and writing by myself, for myself.
I stumbled across this piece again recently while sorting out the consortium of half-baked notes in my Notion pages. Not to toot my own horn but I found this immensely interesting to read back on. And I hope to forever uphold the promise I made to myself in this little reflection; I must be my own Scribe, I must write my own Story. So here it is:
- JG.
‘No matter what, I'm not gonna stop.’
Reviewing the pages of my notes from previous years while talking to an art friend on discord, chatting and then reaching the topic that we have been friends for more than 2 years now. since mid 2019. It was crazy.
I thought back to all the crazy chats we had about philosophy and thoughts and ideas and art. We talked about how these last 2 years seemed to fly by, probably since 2020 seemed like it disappeared.
But then I realised that I did have a massive internal and intellectual shift, a massive Personal Journey, during those times of isolation and deep thought. Looking back, it was almost perfect - it was beautiful. I look back with heavy melancholy and nostalgia, while still living the moment of lockdown. What a strange feeling. That this was a time long past, and probably nothing like this will ever happen again in my life time. This pandemic, this freezing of the world, this time given to me to cocoon at home, with my family, with my room, with my thoughts, with my art, with my writing and ideas. What a time. A period of evolution, as I grew and matured in my shell, ready to come out fresh for a new world.
This was incredible to revisit those things. I'm eternally grateful to all the circumstances that somehow enabled me to start writing and recording all those moments. I could just flip through my notes and idea journal to find those late night chats and wild idea explorations we used to have. I could see my alternating currents of interests, the rising and falling tides in different things. Crazy. I could see the evolution of my Self, my person, this book of Me, being written, by my own hand, in these pages. I'm writing this book day by day. Into the ether of the internet. crazy.
Sometimes it feels like the past was always somehow 'better', that life was so simple back then, that it was somehow easier and I had so much more creative energy. (I feel like I used to write better, had better insights, more nerve and awareness to challenge the social fabric around me. I felt that I was truly immersed in that gear of thinking.) That might be true to an extent, but theres a part of me that knows this is an illusion of perspective. During those times, I found it no easier than now, to sit down and write, to sit and draw, to do my university work. Every moment is seen through new lenses, and somehow the past always looks clearer and prettier; the future is, by nature, clouded and uncertain. But we must forge ahead - keeping a light awareness and appreciation of the past, we push towards the unknown future.
No matter what, regardless of what anyone ever says, I'm not going to stop. No matter the conditions, I won't stop writing and documenting and creating. This is a promise and statement to myself and to the world. This is part of me now. I will be relentless.
Ever Onwards, indeed. We Journey On.
-JG. 27.09.21
